last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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