Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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