people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
