it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
