There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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