The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
