There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
