Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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