He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
