3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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