I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
