my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
