better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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