I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
