I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I think im going to throw up on grandma
where am i from again
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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