ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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