You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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