i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
