One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
