Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
His hands were made for my vagina.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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