I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
