I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
