i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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