i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
