what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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