remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
