your thong is hanging out like whoa
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
