His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
