why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
