i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
