You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
