I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
