You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Damn victory sex feels great
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
