I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
