Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
