so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
