he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
