i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I've blown a few things in my day
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
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I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
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A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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