You really coming over, don't trick.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It's rum buckets o'clock
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
