the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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