I wish I could teleport
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize