I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
