I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
