i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
