I think I won the penis lottery.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
