Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
