I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
