it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
