so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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