I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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