Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Did I show you my penis last night?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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