I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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