He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
