That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
