every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
my shit smells like andre
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
