Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
