I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
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