I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
