Kiss
Puke
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
