the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
