I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
