there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize