I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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