does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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