will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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