I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
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