I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
