Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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