I'm going to jail i love you
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
