I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You pole danced in your parka.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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