Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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