do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He passed out mid-signature
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
