we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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