beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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