even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
