i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize