Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
