Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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