Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
