From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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